


As the World Starts Flowering

by AthenaAstor12



Category: The Half of It (2020)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Lesbian, Other, Rewrite, Yearning, angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24032077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthenaAstor12/pseuds/AthenaAstor12
Summary: This is a rendition of the movie the half of it from Aster's point of view. I begin at the hallway scene as this if the first Time Aster Speaks. Who knows were it will go from here but I plan to do the whole movie. Expect Some serious closeted lesbian crushing.The name of this fic is a play on Aster's name which means Daisy flower essentially.
Relationships: Aster Flores & Paul Munsky, Ellie Chu & Aster Flores, Ellie Chu & Paul Munsky, Ellie Chu/Aster Flores, Ellie Chu/Paul Munsky
Comments: 12
Kudos: 114





	1. Heathen? Really?

**Author's Note:**

> Note, there are allusions to self harm. That wasn't an option for archive warning, but that is the main reason I made it for teen audiences and not general audiences.

Trig’s arm looped through mine as he chatted aimlessly with his groupies. To call them “friends' ' has never felt right because he's so popular it's more of being allowed to be around him, not exactly in the inner circle.  
That's the thing about dating Trig, there isn’t really anyone for me to compare him too. No rival, no equal. I know if I left squamish, there would be, but in this homely little town, this was it. I’d apparently hit the jackpot, but somehow I wished I’d never found the X mark on the ground.  
“Hey, Babe. I gotta get to….Trig.” Trig snorted in my ear, his hands grazing my stomach as he pulled me in closer. I tried to cover up how much it made me cringe when he did that. Having his breath in my ear felt immensely uncomfortable, but according to other girls it was supposed to be scandalous and hot, so I pretended.  
“Yes, Haha. I know you find it so very funny that there's a whole class bearing your nickname.” At least I was in his inner circle, and could tell him off when other people wished they could. “Let me know when you need answers for it again.”  
“Awe, Babe, I do it mostly by myself.”  
But I had already walked away.  
“Walked” is a bold term, however, as before I could dash down the hallway, to my favorite class, art, I caught sight of a girl sprawled on the floor. Upon further recognition of the familiar dark and plain ponytail I realized it was Ellie Chu. She looked disgruntled so I glided over to help her.  
I knelt down in front of her, trying to keep the hair out of my face so I’d be a better help gathering her books. This was the good christian thing to do after all.  
“These hallways are murder.” I muttered, as I began gathering her papers. For some reason holding them in my fingers was calming. Or maybe it was the fact that although she was clearly a brilliant writer considering how many of her essays Trig bought, her handwriting was un-apologetically messy. It was endearing to know she had her faults.  
I looked up to know where to hand the papers, only to be met by the Chinese Girl’s shocked expression. It wasn’t the first time I had helped someone in the hallway, and usually they looked much more….well hassled. Ellie looked as though she was seeing a really nice painting for the first time and was shocked that paintings existed at all.  
“I’m Ellie Chu.” the shocked face stammered.  
‘Yeah, I know,’ I said, then added in an attempt to ease her discomfort, “You’ve only been playing my dad's services every Sunday for, Like, four years.” Truth was, she was the best part of my dad’s sullen services, the small sprinkle of rain to put out the hellfires he always seemed to be able to summon on cue.  
She still looked dazed so I began to blabber a bit, trying to focus on the words out of my mouth instead of the peculiar question mark emblazoned on her lips.  
“Uh, You’re his favorite Heathen. He can’t handle mediocre accompanists. Even if they are saved.” What was I saying? You can’t just go around noting people you’ve just talked to’s relationship with God! What if she was saved? Who knows, that's her business!  
She still wasn’t saying anything! I looked down frantically at her books, trying to regain my composure,....but wow I’d never seen her hair so messy like that, the layers falling out of her ponytail…...before I could let myself reach to tuck it behind her ear my vision latched onto a book of hers. Remains of the day! I knew that one!  
“Remains of the day?” I said trying to put my practiced easy smile back on my face. “I loved it. “ I really had, although in the moment every detail of it escaped from my head. I never forgot things about books, what was wrong with me?  
Oh God, sorry dammit, sorry again! Didn’t mean that God, her glasses were crooked and again, that look of wonder from her. I wasn’t special in any way, why was she doing that? Was it because of Trig and me? Had the sleeves of my jacket come up and she could see? No, she wasn’t looking there. It couldn’t be that.  
“All that barely repressed longing,” The words escaped my mouth before I could process them. Of all the things to say about it and that's what my brain conjured?  
Another scan of the ground, anything to focus on besides the girl who was coming so very close to shattering my carefully constructed demeanor. Her cell phone!  
Hoping I didn’t look desperate, I gently grabbed the phone, the last thing she hadn’t collected, and held it out to her, a small smile plastered on my face. Actually, plastered is the wrong word in that this time it was genuine.  
She looked at it, then her hand extended to mine. I kept perfectly still as if attempting to keep a wild animal from running away.  
She grabbed the phone, her finger touched mine for just a moment, her big brown eyes filled with the darkness and mysteries of the universe finally zeroing in on mine. I froze.  
Then she pulled the phone to her ear. Oh Gosh….see I caught it that time…..was she on a call this whole time? No wonder she had been so flabbergasted. She wanted me to shut up and let her continue her call!  
She stood up and so did I, somehow never breaking eye contact.  
If I didn’t get away soon, this could end badly. I thought i was a good actor but nothing compares to acting in front of someone who appears to actually be paying attention, despite succinctly being on a CALL!  
I willed myself to make one last mental note in my head, of how beautiful she was in this harrowing moment. No no no, just pretty like a Jane Austen character but…..Chinese. That is a more appropriate way of phrasing it.  
Once I was satisfied, I pivoted on my heel and walked away, walked away as though every step I had to fight through quicksand because time had seemed to slow and blur.  
And then all of a sudden, the world was it’s usual faded darkness again. I hadn’t even realized how the shadows had momentarily dissapeared.  
I realized there was no one in the hallway but me, and a quick glance at my watch let me know I was late for art class.  
What had I called her a heathen for? That was so stupid, I scolded myself as I stepped into the art classroom, late as Jesus is to save our world.  
You shouldn’t be racist to anyone, but especially not a really pretty girl.


	2. Lopsided and Loopy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aster works on an art project the night after she has the interaction with Ellie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!   
> Cutting is alluded to.

The drawing didn’t seem quite right. The girl seemed to be dwarfed by the boy, they weren't compatible like Plato had once philosophized. They weren’t soul mates because the body formed between them was awkward and estranged.   
“Ah, Carina, That is beautiful, I love how they are so well proportional,” said my father, as he approached from behind.   
I squeaked a bit, and tugged my sleeve up before tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, “Yes, Papa. Exactly what I was thinking.”   
He nodded, patted my shoulder then left, cracking the door instead of closing it per usual. I suppressed my look of annoyance till I heard him settle on his couch in the living room.   
I then crept from my chair to gently close the door, doing the whole manually-guide-the-door-knob-into-place thing instead of just letting it click.   
I walked back over to my drawing. They really were so lopsided. I wondered how I could fix it with what I had, but just decided to start over.   
I selected my fine point pencil that was the easiest to shade with, a prismacolor ebony pencil sharpened just perfect, and began to sketch: two figures who were side by side and equal.   
I don’t remember the time passing super quickly, it was too peaceful for that, but about half an hour later, or about 7 or 8 songs on my playlist later, I was surprised at the result. It was just a rough sketch, but in making the two equal and whole I had let myself create essentially a mirror image. It looked great and I was about to begin detailing when I realized……  
The two people on the page…..well they both looked like girls.   
I figured I could fix this, if I just gave one shorter hair and the other longer and pulled in the hips of one even more…….  
It was a messy sketch once I had finished, evidence of my nervous erasure was gossamer and easily visible.  
It still didn’t look right.   
Besides, I should have spent my time finishing the one I'd already made. My papa had liked it, and the rough sketch my teacher had seen had been approved as well. Maybe just finishing it and getting the easy A I always seemed to pull in that class was the better option.   
A glance at the clock made me realize it was past 12, and I had to be up at six, so I went to get ready for bed, opting to shower in the morning even though I hadn’t left any new scars due to spending so much time on art.   
That was how it always was. Nights with art were always the nights that I didn’t have to use band aids the next day because art was enough feeling for one night.  
I set my alarm for half an hour earlier, both for a shower and for finishing my art peice’s shading.   
As I set the alarm I glanced at my friends group chat, nothing but chatter about the most recent girl who had started flirting with a guy, the drama began when it was the same guy another girl had flirted with last week.   
A quick swing over to my messages with Trig revealed a goodnight with a smiley face emoticon ,dated 8:00. I was positive that was not when he had gone to bed, but my lack of care over this deception was even less than normal due to how tired I was.  
I fell asleep nearly as soon as I'd hit the pillow, my last thoughts wandering to the most interesting bit of my day, in my usual routine of thanking God for it. Today it happened to be a strange Chinese girl, and so I nodded off into the land of dreams with her perplexed smiley, the last thing to fade into the dark abyss of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, let me know what you think! Sorry for the late upload, I've been busy with exams! It was really nice to come back to so many more kudos so thank you!


	3. Price and Value

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first letter from Paul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for taking forever on this chapter! Next chapter will be within the next few days!

The next day I felt lethargic, everything around me was somewhat pointless. On my way to school with Trig I didn’t even comment at all, not that he noticed. It was good that he never noticed, because I’m sure I’d lose my place as his girl if anyone knew the true melancholy I experienced everyday, bored out of my mind. At least with him I was well off, protected and bored out of my mind.   
My fingers traced the scars under my coat sleeve. The old scars from a week ago flitted smoothly underneath my fingernails, nearly matching the slow pallid beat of whatever trash radio station Trig had on.   
I yanked my sleeve down as far as it would go when I came around to open my passenger side door. I’d told him that I hated being treated like a princess but he did it anyway. Made me feel sorta incapable. We walked into the school, and I could feel every eye turn to us. We were the star couple, the people everyone wished they were. I wondered if they wished for an extra sting in the shower because If   
anyone found out I read Oscar Wilde I’d be dead because my dad never allowed anything “Homosexual” into the house.   
I decided that, no, they probably didn’t want that, most likely hadn’t even heard of Oscar Wilde considering how many of them had paid for papers from the Chinese Girl.   
The Chinese girl, with her glasses perched so meticulously on her nose, her backpack obviously filled with books I was aching to ask her about…..  
‘Have you read anything by Oscar Wilde?” I blurted out to trig, as we approached my locker.   
He suddenly was snapped out of his own little world, It was always disturbing to me how much of a noticeable difference it was when he was paying attention to me and when he was absorbed in his next big attention scheme. “Er, no. Were we supposed to for class?”  
“No, just wondering. He has so many funny aphorisms and things. Such as ‘ nowadays everyone knows the price of everything but the value of nothing’.”  
He grunted, clearly only processing half of what I was saying as I saw him slip back into his Narcissism as I became his Echo once more. “That's kinda stupid, if you wanna pay for something obviously it has value to you.”   
“I know, but I think it means we get so absorbed in material things that we forget the value of things in real life that matter more than the prices we put on material goods.”  
“Oh, okay. Maybe I should get you to write my papers for me instead of Ellie Chu.” He chuckled, a bit like Edward from Twilight, and then sauntered down the hallway to his first class, which was in the opposite direction of mine, high fiving a few people as he went.   
I was beginning to think that the price of being with him wasn’t worth its value anymore, then I began to consider the price of the alternative, the value of it exponentially greater in worth than ruining every painting I’d worked for…….a price I'd be bastardized for paying.  
In my trance of thought only one thing oddly stood out to me as I made my way to first period, a subject that in this story is overall inconsequential. The girl Ellie and a football player squabbling over a paper. They never made eye contact and she scurried away quickly yelling something about “trust me” and then the player was gone all of a sudden.  
Maybe Ellie wasn’t the type of girl I had believed she may have been.   
****  
The next time I visited my locker there was a small surprise hidden in the grate of my locker. Already bored with the day I yanked the letter unceremoniously out of the grate.  
It had my name written on the back in Cursive, the kind of cursive where if you don;t know what the person means to write it is indistinguishable.   
Suddenly intrigued, I slid my index finger into the flap of the envelope and let the noise of the paper ripping envelope me. (Pun intended). Once the paper was effectively shredded I daintily toggled the small piece of notebook paper out of the package.  
“Longing….Longing for a wave of Love to swell up in me……..”my eyes strayed over the letter. I had no idea another person would be willing to challenge Trig.   
Signed at the bottom of the paper was the name Paul Munsky. I tried to pin a face to the name. It took some effort but I managed to imagine a boy with dusty blonde hair, who was built like a football player. Was it the boy who had been talking to Ellie earlier?   
Hearing the two minute bell, I was left with no further time to dwell on it, but I know any guy who was willing to plagiarize an obscure German playwright would be interesting to investigate in the least, but his familiarity with Ellie managed to seal the deal that he and I might make good friends. Friends, because Trig and I were still a thing. I think that didn't look like it would end, but no. I no longer, nor never really had had “Love swell” for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know the scene from when Paul and Ellie exchange the first letter they are in a hallway alone but I needed to include it for the purpose of mating her more aware pf Ellie's hand in it all. Also, the Oscar Wilde quote from the movie will be in the next chapter.


	4. Kisses and Rainbows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set up for future stuff, her writing the first letter to Paul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the usual self harm trigger warning. Just allusions at this point but yeah.

The sky turned into purples and blues and that final messy stroke of orange, and as I sat once more in Trig’s truck, the strokes of what the paint would look like scratched dully at my mind.   
The letter was currently in my backpack, It was too precious to have out right now. It hadn’t been there for long, its home was in my hands, being caressed between my fingers. I hadn’t even been tempted to prick my finger with it as a “papercut”.   
“So, do I have to come in with you?” Trig whined.   
I really didn’t care, but I knew if I was still to be allowed the freedom he gave me he needed to be in good graces with my father. That meant dragging him to bible study every wednesday.   
“Yes, Trig. it’s good for you.” it was true. He needed a good bible lesson now and then, too bad we weren’t in the gospels where Jesus talks about humility  
“Fine.” He muttered as he parked sloppily in the back of the parking lot.   
I felt pressure on my thigh and tried to not finch even though there were no band aids underneath my skirt. I glanced over at him, and the thing I did like about him shone through. The little glint in his eyes when he was ready to stir things up. He was a narcissist and clueless most of the time, but he had his moments where he messed up on purpose and despite my usual carefulness with people's souls, sometimes I admired his ability to not give into the gentleness all of the time. It was an awful thought, but i liked it about him.   
He leaned forward to kiss me, and the nice thought went away. I let him roll his tongue around in my mouth, and I sucked on him a bit, before I pushed him away.   
“Not right now, it’s time for bible study.” That wasn’t why I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop because it was all a performance for me. There was one time where it hadn’t been a performance for me, however brief. It shouldn't have even been an option presented, however.   
He came over to open my door, and I dug my boots into the concrete. He grabbed my hand and we sauntered up to the church building.   
Since I was the pastor’s kid, we arrived a bit earlier than everyone else. We split ways at the door, and I went over to help out with the children's program setup before class started and he went off to chat up my dad. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him to come, they were getting a little bit too buddy buddy recently.   
“Aster, come look at what I made!” screamed little Susan, the young girl who had decided to cling to me every chance she got simply because I said I liked her paintings.   
A very colorful very mismatched watercolor rainbow painting was shoved into my hands. It wasn’t very neat, and there were a lot of smears as well as she put the colors in reverse order but I loved it so much because I could tell from her gap toothed grin that a tremendous effort had been bestowed upon the painting.   
“This is lovely, Susan! I exclaimed, tilting it side to side as if I were an art critic, my first smile of the day since the letter finding its way into my face. Her smile just got bigger at that.   
“I want you to keep it,” She stammered excitedly,  
Of course I carefully laid it in my bag, tugging her along with me as I went to help prepare the snacks for kids for later.   
****  
When I finally got home, I used tape to stick up her painting on my desk, it's one blurry mess staring back at me. It was just a kids painting, one among many, but for years the rainbow had represented something I couldn’t have. Something I hadn’t realized I had wanted till middle school summer camp.   
The letter from earlier fell out of the bag, and I fondled it before taking a stinging shower. It was sweet, but it was also plagiarized. What could I write just to keep it going but without inviting anything?   
***  
My hair wet on my shoulders and half an hour of steam to truly clear my head, I wrote.   
Dear Paul,   
I Like Wim Wembers too, but I wouldn’t have plagiarized him.   
Smirking a little, I folded the note up and stuck it in a side pocket. I’d have to find his locker tomorrow and maybe he wouldn’t appreciate my snark but for now this was all I could muster. Hopefully it would be enough.


	5. If I knew what Love was I'd quote myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second letter from Paul plus some more foreshadowing that I'lll use later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry this is kind of a short chapter. I was going to make it longer but realized the next scenes may need their own chapter and I also wanted to post something sooner rather than later.

I got a B on my Plato art project. I had ended up turning in the lopsided one because the only way I could get it right sent the wrong message.   
Apparently my teacher had thought It looked lopsided as well. She wrote a little note   
Great Sketch! Just next time make it fit the prompt. These two don’t look like the Half of It.   
Not that I complain about grades, but even If i was the type I knew very well she was correct.   
Another note was stuffed into the vent of my locker. I yanked it out and then stuffed my B level art into the back of the locker.   
“Hey babe, whats that/” i heard in my ear as hands grasped around my waist.   
“Oh! Nothing. Just something from a friend.” I muttered, hoping he didn’t ask to read it ,but usually he was too distracted by himself to care.   
“Oh, okay cool. Party tonight? I’ll pick you up in my….pickup after school?” He smirked at the same pun he’d made every single time he offered to drive me places.   
“I guess, sure. I’ll need an excuse for my Dad though.” I really hated lying but honestly the rules my dad put on me were too much. It was a Friday night anyways. I would just say It was a sleepover with one of the girls.  
‘Cool! Like, half the school is coming!” He leaned forward and stole a kiss from me quickly. Well not super quickly but fast enough that no teacher saw us.   
***  
I didn’t end up getting the chance to read the letter till later in the parking lot. He had some football business to tend to so I just waited at his Truck for a bit.   
I was a bit more careful opening it this time. I almost wanted it to be plagiarized again so that I could stop thinking about the impossible.   
It read,   
I’m 17, I've Lived in Squahamish my whole life.I hang out with my friends, I keep my head down.I’m a simple guy, which is to say, if I knew what love was, I’d quote myself.   
I rummated over the letter for a moment. It was honest that's for sure. Again mentoring Love even though I hadn’t even met the guy really. I knew he went to my church and that's about it.   
I sympathized with the simple life though, hanging out with friends, keeping my head low. It was practically my manifesto, get by and enjoy what you can.   
Just then Trig came up and announced it was time to leave. After he kissed my cheek I slid into the proffered open door and zoned out till we got to his house, as it would be a while before the party started.   
We made our way up to his room, his mom didn’t care if we were in there together.   
I fell onto the bed and pulled my sketchbook out of my bag, expecting Trig to start facetimeing all his friends like he usually did and leave me in peace. Apparently he had a different Idea in mind, as he sidled up next to me.   
“Hey?” I said, wishing today wasn’t one of those days.   
“Are you still being an upstart about that?” He asked, his eyes pleading. “We can use protection.”   
‘Trig, no. It’s not biblical and we already do other things…..” I thought about all the times we’d done the catholic workarounds.   
“Fine, but soon.” I knew what soon meant. It meant I’d heard him talking to my dad about marriage and it meant I would forever be trapped by my escape.   
Then he went back to his usual shenanigans, and I was left to sketch.   
It’s not that I really cared THAT much about staying true to the Bible. Like, a little bit in the way that if I was discovered I would feel endless shame for it but I’d still be willing to do it. It was mostly about the fact that I was scared I wouldn’t like it. Most of the time I kinda just zoned out whenever I kissed him, and all the other things we’d done kinda grossed me out, even mouthwash doesn’t get rid of the grossness.   
I also had scars to cover up but that would come out eventually.  
Amidst this turmoil I found myself loosely sketching a pair of lips that connected to a face. I had a feeling it was her, a face I’d drawn many times. No one knew what she had meant to me but still I was always terrified someone would notice. The dream I couldn't’ pursue, the real reason I denied myself that I didn’t want to sleep with Trig.   
***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! Seeing the encouragement has kept me writing this and also inspired me to actually write some stuff outside of fanfiction as well.   
> Also next chapter coming soon as I've already written most of it just didn't include it here!


	6. I Like Your Fingernails

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a little headcanon I came up with after like my sixth time watching this movie. It isn't about the letters much but it felt important to Aster's character.

We didn’t talk much on the way over there, I managed to get Trig to put on a christian radio station but even so it didn’t make me feel any better.   
“Hey, act nice when we go in.” Trig scoffed under his breath while turning the exhaust off.   
“I do act nice? I don’t like hurting other people.” I retorted, upset that he had even considered that.   
‘No, but lately you've caused a fight as soon as people saw and been really moody.” He said, keeping his eyes square on the road.   
I scoffed, “Did you pay attention to me at all before we started dating/? Because I’ve always been moody I’m just a good coverup to maintain my Pastor’s daughter status.”  
“Yeah, well maybe I wanted the pastor's daughter, not the fake you apparently you are.”  
“Don't talk to me about being fake. And you only want the Pastor's daughter until it’s time to share a bed.”  
By then we had gotten to the party. Perusal, we stopped arguing whenever people saw us and I knew this argument would probably never be resolved but forgotten.   
The party was a typical Squamish banger. There was one keg in the corner, someone playing shitty faux alternative music too loudly on a bluetooth speaker, and a few dozen people wandering around with either a water bottles or a red solo cup. Nothing special, nothing like what's seen on TV.   
Our town was so small that if a regular wasn’t in the room everyone knew they were just making out or something.   
I didn’t much feel like interacting so I made my way to one of the bathrooms and started scrolling on my phone.   
Rainbows immediately came up on my social media feed, the one no one else knew about. The one I had for the art no one else saw.   
I heard a crash outside the door and peeked out to see. It was just two horny teenagers aggressively groping each other, gender unknown.   
They saw me and the one I recognized, Sarah, scoffed, “Oh, don’t condemn me to hell for this, Pastor's kid.”   
She was drunk, I knew, and didn’t mean it. I got shit like that at parties all of the time,   
I was about to retreat when I saw another girl lurking in the shadows.   
She had a longing look on her face as she watched the two disappear and then she looked over at me. She was in my math class and had once complimented my nails, wearing a green beanie and a flannel. Her mascara was smeared slightly,and I noticed her solo cup had been set down.   
She did a little cross over over her chest before picking the cup up and scurrying away, but not before I noticed how ruffled her collar was? Had that been what Sarah had been talking about? Not sending her to hell for something to do with this girl?   
I decided to let it go and go back to my personal rainbows.  
This worked for an hour or two, as I heard the party outside getting even more chaotic. Eventually. My tumblr feed got boring, and I decided a bit of alcohol might make the ruckus a bit more tolerable. Also showing my face and saying hi to a few people would save face.   
I pressed my palms to the cold floor and used the toilet seat to hoist myself up from the ground. Whoevers house this was had surprisingly clean floors.   
Adjusting my skirt and tugging my coat sleeves down, I crept out of the bathroom.   
The music was blaring even louder, but it didn’t really matter since no one was talking. A few couples had found supposedly dark corners, there was someone drunk asleep on each couch, and as I made my way over to the keg I had to wade through a group of giggling teenagers who were slumped against it.   
Being the only sober one in the room, I felt once more separate from my peers. I tipped my cup back and chugged, forcing myself to become homogeneous. At least I’d get drunk for a bit. On my third cup, already starting to feel it, I decided to go find Trig. Why, I’m not sure, but the alcohol spoke.   
As I got closer to the bathroom where my previous hideout had been I noticed the geeky girl from earlier in my peripheral.   
‘Uh, Can I help you?” I asked trying to not slur my words at all.   
Her eyes weren’t droopy like the usual drunk teen, and her beanie cap was still pinned neatly to her head, her mascara was still smeared but I was beginning to think she had done that on purpose.   
“Hey.”  
“Hi.;” I mumbled, twirling my solo cup in my hands. We’d had class together before and I think her name was Jane. She was pretty in a sort of emo way.   
She didn’t say anything more so pulled away with a half hearted, “See you in class,” but she grabbed my hand.   
“I just wanted to say, I like your fingernails.” She cracked a small smile.   
It was an odd compliment, but I smiled back, I realized for the first time that night.   
She tugged my hand closer and suddenly we were in the bathroom She smiled up at me again, I was slightly taller than her, and I realized my back was against the wall.   
My heart was pounding, this was what I wanted and couldn’t have. Not necessarily with her, just in general not with a man. Gosh, the alcohol made me admit it.  
I could tell she was about to lean forward and kiss me but she stopped.   
I stayed against the wall, unsure of why she pulled away. I wasn’t resisting.   
“You’re too drunk.” She said, her nimble fingers fiddling with her flannel. ‘You’re too drunk and I’m not getting involved with the Pastor;s daughter, no matter how pretty you are.”  
Some part of me was relieved. It was hard enough to stuff it down without her clouding my thoughts even more. For some reason the girl, Ellie, appeared in my mind.   
Trig didn’t even cross my mind.   
“O-okay….” I mumbled, unpealing myself from the wall.   
“See you around, Flower Flower.” She scoffed, her beanie as neat as ever. I giggled at how she recognized what my name meant.   
*****  
The kid whose house it was got an urgent call from their parents and after staying behind to help him clean up a bit, even though I hadn't been the one to make most of the mess, Trig took me to Sarah’s house. There was no way I could go home like this, but staying at his house was worse if I got caught. There was no mention of our argument earlier even though he was barely drunk at all.  
Lying in Sarah's bed, she was passed out on the ground, I popped three ibuprofen for the morning and fell asleep.   
No one knew my secret yet and that was how I was gonna keep it. I did have one secret I could focus on instead, but writing that letter would have to wait till morning. I needed to sleep off the alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so it was kinda risky including "Jane" as i dubbed her, I couldn't find her name in the movie so I called her that. Please tell me if you want me to do more with her as I know I always wondered more about this obviously queer girl after her interaction with Ellie  
> Again, all the comments and bookmarks are so encouraging and I know i'm slow at this but its keeping me writing so.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what I can do better, and how you feel about my take on Aster's character! This scene doesn't give too much leeway to make her character shine through so please do let me know what you would like to see in the future!


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